


"Was it worth it?" || Endverse Fanfiction

by drama_qveen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), Angst, Castiel Has Self-Worth Issues (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel-centric (Supernatural), Croatoan Virus (Supernatural), Dead Dean Winchester, Drug Addict Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Episode: s05e04 The End, Flashbacks, Human Endverse Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Injury, Lucifer Possessing Sam Winchester, M/M, No Fluff, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Apocalypse, Sad Ending, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29027559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drama_qveen/pseuds/drama_qveen
Summary: Castiel and Dean gave up everything to win this fight. But now, when everything is lost and there's no fighting anymore... there's only one question left...***I suck at summaries so long story short, I rewatched “The End” (again, is that addiction already?) and I was thinking what would happen if it ended differently and writers weren’t cowards
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Endverse Castiel/Endverse Dean Winchester
Kudos: 6





	"Was it worth it?" || Endverse Fanfiction

Castiel could feel it was the end.

There was nothing except complete silence around him. Signs of the past fight were surrounding him everywhere: broken windows and the shattered pieces of glass on the floor; ashes and dirt still visible in the air when the light of the setting sun was getting inside of the building; abandoned weapons and lifeless, numb bodies – or more what remained from them, covered in ripped straps of cloth and blood.

And inside all of this, lying on the cold, hard ground, was Castiel. Ex-angel was probably the only one who survived this… if you could call it like that. He was curled up against the wall. He was pale and half-conscious, eyes closed and shallow breath. He was pressing his hand to the wound but it couldn't stop the slow but steady bleeding. If anyone would get here, they would probably think he’s dead – or they wouldn’t notice him at all. 

Cas tried to get up, or at least move but he gave up that idea after few tries which always ended with nothing but more pain. Everyone, except him, was dead. Risa… the other hunter... he saw them dying and he could not do anything. They were all dead. And Castiel wished he was dead too…

He had no idea how this happened. They walked inside the building and… the last thing he remembered before it all started was that he talked with Dean… then he got lost somewhere inside of all of this mess… Castiel haven’t seen him during the whole fight – maybe he left to find Lucifer, as he was meant to do this. That was the point, right? It was all just… distraction. _A trap._

Did Castiel knew? Maybe. He could have suspect that it will be like this. And if he knew… he would go with him anyway. As he always did. 

He could have sworn that hours have passed since the fight, when it was just a few minutes. He has already felt a need to close his eyes and let himself drift off but now he was lying, looking around with a drained, empty expression. He was just waiting for inevitable. He had nothing but hope that it will come soon… and maybe that Dean had more luck than him… so at least his death would be worth something.

Suddenly, he heard something in the distance, the only sound breaking that dead silence… someone was coming towards him but he couldn’t see him yet. For a moment Castiel held his breath – for a moment he hoped that maybe Dean came back and… he will see him again. For the last time. But after another few seconds passed, the ex-angel’s hopes burst like a bubble. He saw a pair of white shoes before him. He lifted his head weakly and tried to focus his hazy gaze on the man in a white suit. “Sam?”, he groaned faintly.

The man smiled almost softly and leaned over Castiel. At the same time he both looked like Sam and completely different. There was something... so cold... cruel in his smile, no matter how compasionate or pleasantly he wanted to appear. “You’ve never been the sharpest tool in the shed, brother?”, the man asked calmly. 

Cas shivered lightly when he realized who he was talking to. “Lucifer…”, he whispered under his breath and tried to get up but still couldn’t. He howled silently, but Lucifer still had a wide, bright smile on his face. He put one foot on ex-angel’s shoulder and easily pushed him so he laid on his back and could look at him. Cas clenched his teeth in pain and closed his eyes for a second. The Devil knelt on one knee beside him. “If you want to kill me, do it now.” Castiel hissed through his teeth. “I’m not afraid to die. I’m not afraid of you.”

The Devil chuckled scornfully. He reached Cas’ chin and slightly lifted it, like he wanted to have a better look on his face. “Of course you are, Castiel.” He raised his hand and touched Castiel forehead with his palm. The ex-angel squeezed his eyes shut and gasped sharply, sure that he was going to die. He was waiting for a wave of pain but nothing came. He opened his eyes and saw that, to his surprise, they weren’t in the building anymore. The pain eased a bit. Castiel squinted his eyes and frowned his eyebrows.

They were in the garden. It was… oddly beautiful. Especially when you spent the last few years in the world where you see around only destruction, ruins and death. It looked as if he suddenly was in different world or time. Cas slowly sit, still a little hurt. He felt a single drops of the rain falling rythmically on his face. The man reached and gently touched a flower on a rosebush beside him with his shaking fingertips. Rose was soft and delicate... a few petals fell to the ground when he touched them. He was like a child... fascinated by it as if he saw it for a very first time. He forgot that something could be that simple and yet so beautiful. 

“I’m not here to kill you, Castiel.”, Lucifer explained, almost resentfully, making Castiel suddenly return to the reality. He looked up to him, still sitting on the ground. The Devil tried to touch his cheek, almost softly but he pushed his hand away. Lucifer shrugged indifferently and before the ex-angel could ask what he meant, he continued calmly. “I wanted to show you something.” he cleared and then, turned his head in another direction, like he wanted to indicate which way he should go.

Castiel looked at him confused and slowly stood up. His whole body was tense, like he was getting himself ready to react if that was all another trap. He was wondering what was the point of this, why he spared him… and suddenly, the thought hit him like a wave. He widened his eyes and gasped lightly. _Dean_. He moved his lips but there was no sound, like his voice got stuck in his throat. He turned around and, without even thinking for a moment, run in the direction Lucifer showed.

He ran, with his heart pounding in his chest, not caring about rose thorns reaching to his bare hands or legs and cutting his skin. Finally, after a seconds which seemed as long as forever, he reached something what appeared to be a square, with overgrown bushes and grass, covering broken statues and bunches, or so it probably used to be, some time ago. And in the middle… In the middle he saw a body, lying inertly on the ground.

_Dean._

Castiel stopped in mid-step and he was almost sure that his heart did the same for a moment. He felt how his legs bent over him and he couldn’t help but fall to his knees. _No…_ He thought, reaching out to touch his pale skin, now lit by a setting sun, _Not you…_ He put his face in his shaky hands and gently stroked it with his finger, leaving a smudge of blood on his skin. It was cold, but he still pulled Dean closer to his chest. Castiel didn’t even realized how tears started slowly running down his face. His lips were moving like he wanted to say something but no sound escaped his mouth - only silent, indistinct _'No'_ spoken over and over again like a spell repeated with hope that it alone could bring him back.

He should have known that it will end like this… But still, when he was looking at his face, which didn’t even look like him anymore, he was asking himself _why._ The former angel shook his head slowly, unable to accept what he saw. He would change his place if he could. He would go there instead of him. He would do anything…

“That’s the end, brother.”, he heard the voice from behind. He turned his head around and looked at Lucifer, who somehow just appeared there. The Devil was staring at him with almost compassionate gaze.

“Bring him back…”, Castiel begged quietly with tears in his eyes. “…what do you want from me?”, he asked, still holding Dean close to his chest. He was clenching on scrap of his’s jacket like a drowning man holding onto anything that can prevent him from going under the cold, deep water. He knew this moment would come, but he hoped that when it did, he would be walking with him on the other side... and now he felt like he left him, without even a chance to say goodbye. 

"Look at you…”, Lucifer ignored what the ex-angel just said and came closer. He was studying him like a something he couldn’t recognize anymore. “…you used to be great, Castiel.”, he scoffed with contempt, “Father always had a.. ‘soft spot’ for you, didn’t he? No surprise, you were powerful, perfect… And now, you’re just… you’re nothing. Look at yourself, Castiel. You’re broken, you’re weak… like them, you’re just a human.” 

Lucifer stopped for a moment, waiting for Castiel to say something, but he was still and silent. Dean's body was resting on his lap because he couldn't hold him that long. The Devil took Castiel by his chin, lifting it up in nearly caring gesture. The former angel clenched his teeth, as Lucifer shook his head in disappointment and continued. “What was that all for? You lost everything for what? For those pathetic... imperfect creatures?”, he asked and tilted his head slightly, “…you and I… we’re just like each other.”

“I am nothing like you.”, Castiel spitted out through his teeth and tried to move away from him but he was gripping too tight. 

“You don’t want to be like me.”, he explained, slightly amused by how fierce and courageous Castiel wanted to appear but still was just like a child in the dark, scared and alone, “…but the truth is, we are the same. You fell, just like me… or maybe even worse. The only difference is that I did, because I couldn’t bring myself to love humans – and you…”, he stopped for a moment and looked from above at Dean, “…you fell because you loved one too much, am I right?”, he asked and let go his chin.

Lucifer watched as the former angel slowly looked away in silence. “That’s what I thought…”, he nodded his head and smiled almost warmly. “So again, was it worth it?”

Castiel looked down with restless gaze pointed at the ground. _Was it worth it?_ The question hanged between them for a moment, but Castiel didn't need to think twice about it - for him there was only one right answer… because he used to ask himself that too many times before. Every time when Dean was leaving him alone when he said he needed him. Every time when Dean was shouting at him because he screwed up again. Or when he was drinking and drugging himself ‘till unconsciousness because he somehow needed to ease the pain or replace the loneliness.

And despite all of this… he still thought it was, in fact, worth it. Before Dean was like this, before he was only the ‘fearless leader’… he was _his_. He cared for him, he was there for him and… he loved him. He used to come to his cabin when Cas was hurt after some supply-run gone-wrong . Or when he just started losing his powers and needed somebody by his side. When they were lying alone in bed, silently, as Dean was simply holding him, because Cas couldn’t sleep… He gave him those little moments of happiness in this whole mess and it made it worth it. 

Castiel lifted his head slightly to look at Lucifer and although tears still haven’t dried in his eyes and his hands and voice were still shaking, he said clearly and without any doubt, “Yes, it was. But you won’t understand that—”

“You’re right.”, he cut him off before he could explain, with forced, annoyed smile, like he expected the other answer, “I don’t.” He sighed slightly and rolled his eyes, disappointed, “But it’s not too late, brother. I can help you.”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “Why would you want to help me?”, he asked. He couldn’t see anything what Lucifer would do to help him in any way. In fact, he didn’t really care what was going to happen… he just wanted this to end. “How?”

Lucifer smiled and put one hand on Cas’ shoulder. The ex-angel flinched, uncertain what The Devil wanted to do. “I can bring back your powers”, he explained and watched as Castiel opened his eyes in shock. Before he could say something, he continued, “You know I can do this. Do you even remember how great it feels to be an angel? To have your wings and not only aching memory of that? You don’t owe those people anything… you don’t have to be like them. You can come with me, don’t you want to be powerful again? It’s a lost game, Castiel, you know how it will end if you stay—”

“I’m staying”, Castiel suddenly stopped Lucifer's monologue, without a slight shadow of hesitation. He wasn’t going to give up just like that, after what he – and Dean – went through this whole time. And right, maybe he lost everything and maybe it’s really the end, but if it is, then be it. He’s going to stay here ‘till he can… because that’s what Dean would do. Dean did not die for nothing.

Lucifer looked at him surprised. He winced and scoffed silently. “I pity you, Castiel.”, he said, firming his grip on Castiel’s arm. He tried to move away and gasped slightly, feeling pain rushing through his body. “Loyal to the bitter end.” The former angel looked at The Devil with fear, but then… Lucifer let go and pushed him away. Castiel stumbled slightly and supported on his hand not to fall back. Lucifer stood up and continued, “What a shame your loyalt is pointless.”

Castiel looked up at his annoyed expression. Yes, he was scared – but he also felt he was doing the right thing and he won’t just give up that easily. “And now what? You’re kill me?”

The Devil smiled at him. “No.”, he answered and shook his head, “You’re not even worth an effort.”, he explained, tilting his head slightly. “But… there’s one thing I’ve have for you.”, Castiel watched him, as he came closer to him once again and leaned over him. He grabbed him by his throat and watched as the former angel struggles in his firm grip , “You’re going to tell them… that it’s the end… there’s no further fighting. Dean is dead. Who’s going to lead those lost people? I won. Tell them.”

Castiel struggling for air but still grunted quietly, “You can’t win…”, he looked straight into his eyes. He whimpered, when for a moment Lucifer tightened his grip but then he let go completely. Castiel coughed, gasping for air and then looked up.

“Oh, Castiel.” Lucifer said, dusting off his hands and suit. He put one hand on his forehead. “I’ve already did.”, he smiled proudly. The ex-angel wanted to say something but then…

Castiel closed his eyes when he suddenly felt dizzy and as a first instinct, he tried to reach to Dean. He opened his eyes and… he hit the ground straight away, scratching his hands and knees. He moaned slightly when he tried to get up. He lifted his head up and tried to look for Dean… Dean’s body. He saw it lying a few feet away from him. Lucifer must have send him somewhere… “What was that?”, he heard a voice in the distance and he saw someone coming to him… He knew where he was... back in the camp. After a few second two familiar faces appeared above him… and a pointed gun. 

“Wait!”, he exclaimed and tried to rise his hands but he groaned instead when he did that. He must have fall very unfortunately and, probably, broke it. “It’s me.”, he added weakly.

“Castiel?”, he heard Chuck above himself and sighed in relief and gave him a hand to help him get up. Cas staggered slightly but managed to stand on his feet. “Did it work?”, he asked with a glimpse of hope in his voice but then, he saw the sorrow and pain in Cas’ eyes, and he could clearly ready from them that it didn’t. “Where are everyone? Are they—”, Chuck looked around his eyes stopped on a body, lying in the distance, “oh no.” he muttered under his breath. “Excuse me…”, he said quickly and left Cas alone.

At the time, Castiel began to stagger on his shaking legs, because anger and adrenaline slowly gave way to tiredness and pain. It was still beyond his understanding, what happened in the garden… He wanted to come closer and look at Dean but someone stopped him, partly because they knew it would be painful for him, since they were close, but also because they were afraid he would fall.

Chuck stood up and moved away from the body. He didn’t know what to say… He knew that this plan was dangerous, even reckless but he was the one who actually thought it may work. _Come on, it's Dean,_ he used to think, _it has to work out._ And now… everything was lost. He turned his eyes on Castiel. He was standing in the back, with hopeless, empty expression. His hands and clothes were covered in blood. He looked like he was going to say something but didn’t know what.

Chuck took a deep breath and moved his gaze on two other man who came to help… and were as confused as he was. He cleared his throat, trying to find the words. “Take care of De— take the body and… prepare the… funeral”, he ordered with a hushed voice as if he wasn’t sure Castiel should hear that. The man was already a mess and now… he certainly shouldn’t be alone when it all hit him. Chuck looked at him with regret and nodded his head slightly. “Come on, Cas… I’ll take you to infirmary”, he explained.

For a moment Castiel was completely somewhere else, but on the sound of Chuck's voice, he suddenly snapped back to the reality. He looked away from the body and blinked, shaking his head slightly, as if to wake up from a dream. He turned his eyes on Chuck and hesitantly nodded his head, letting him lead him to the camp.

He once again looked back, over his shoulder to see how one of the men lifted Dean’s body… The former angel closed his eyes tight for a moment, as Lucifer’s words resonated in his head, “It’s the end.”, he whispered under his breath, more to himself than to Chuck. He had no idea what was going to happen now.... but he was sure about only one thing. 

_Nothing will be the same._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this.  
> Also, I'm sorry, here's your tissues.  
> I'm planning to add another chapter in some time so stay tuned!


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